Don't Make Me Smack You!

The guy I thought was genuine. Hmmm

WHAT A JACKASS....you must have wanted me to write a post about you.
Yesterday he decides to "treat me a nigga" he claims. He then starting making obscene references about my body. I discontinued communication after that. He says "this is the way I must like being treated" since I bothered with those other losers......why would you join the out crowd??? I told you they were no longer worthy and as far as I am concerned they no longer exist in my arena. Nice that you wanted to join them. My dad said I did a no no and disclosed too much information about my past to you....guess I did. I thought you were a friend I could confide in........didn't think you would later use it against me.
You live and you learn.

My Burden

Hmmm this morning when getting dressed I noticed the marks on my shoulders were getting darker and starting to hurt. I applied cocoa butter cream to temporary relieve the pain. I have the burden of carrying excess weight on the top half of my body. Some would call it a blessing but they have not walked a day in my shoes.

The back pain and shoulder aches are no longer things I say....they have started and only seem to get worse. I have my annual Doctor's appointment tomorrow. I have to be sure to mention this to her and see what she suggests. Maybe a reduction!! :) Boy would I be thrilled. This kinda talk could be me being over dramatic...hmmm you try carrying this load for a week.

I officially hate shopping for bras and I am scared they are only growing larger. My mom had the reduction surgery in 2003. She was a lot bigger than I am but I am not far behind. I know they are growing with my body and the larger I get the larger they will become. It's sad. I used to wish I had them as a adolescent. Ha not anymore. I am known as "tits" to my girlfriends. Crap Crap. Will keep you posted.

Why don't I fight for it?

A friend of mine asked me what was I passionate about. He said I gave a generic answer. I said my faith. Nothing genetic about that but guess he would not understand where I am coming from.

When I think about my life and think about all things I have overcame it all seems to be the same. For one I have not had "hard times" nothing too drastic at least. I'm blessed. Even when things seem like they are going bad, God continues to show me favor. I am favored.....I just must remember that.

What I don't do is fight for things I want. I do not go after dreams......I kinda just let things happen. When it gets tough I become depressed and seek counsel from those who will listen. I need to change all that. I need to get on my knees and talk to God He is the only one that can change my situation as long as I am willing to try.

My mom says every semester I seem to go through this "I can't do it".... "its too hard" episode. Maybe it is an episode but I must be this way for a reason. Not sure why I continue to do what I do. When my passion and excitement is gone for something I lose hope and throw in the towel. It has happened too many times before.......this is in regards to many things in my life.

Here is a list:
Dream of being a lawyer
Cheer leading
Attending school out of state/town
My major
Friends

Well those are the things I can remember at the moment.

Recently I have been trying to do a little better with this. It doesn't help when people make reference to it either. Some will ask so what's your major this month and I am quick to take offense and tell them it has been the same DECLARED major since 2005. When I am losing friends....depending on the person and situation surrounding it I do not make a fuss. I just let it happen. People come and go in life. Some are only there for a season!

I am proud of myself and my accomplishments I have made that will ensure me a bright future. I have one year left in school and I am glad to say that....it has been a long journey but once it's over it will be WELL WORTH EVERY PENNY....lol cuz it sure has costed an arm and leg.