A conversation I had through text after the first day of my
Advanced Course, April 1, 2009

I have been forced to confront some issues in my life.
And I am trying to give up. Not wanting to realize all that I lack, I know I want to produce change but I continue to make excuses.

There is so much going on with me most days that I don't know that all of it will be resolved. And I don't know where to begin. For so long I have been trying to be this perfect person. Free of flaws and wanting everyone to love and accept me but never showing them who I really am. I have not been willing to confront my demons because anytime the opportunity presents itself I run and hide and say it's nothing.

I want to give up and quit my advanced course because I don't believe all I need to reveal or confront will come out like it needs to. I get angry when people try to tell me things I don't want to hear. I become withdrawn and make myself unapproachable.

Don't know what life has for me and it seems like I will always be searching. I will never be this great person that I have perceived in my mind. Just lost most days. Even that is not allowing myself to live to my full potential. I expect great things from myself and I am chosen. Because I know all things are possible.

What I would really like to get is really empowering myself. I give encouraging words and empower friends but when it comes to me I say nothing. I won't even take my own advice, it's crazy. How can I tell someone what they should do and I won't even listen to it.

Didn't choose the best person to send the message to but I knew he would listen and not say much back.....kinda just wanted to vent. I got over all that and God has taken me to a new level in Him.