I am so convinced it is impossible to grow and run with the same crowd. I'm in a bit of a predicament though. One of my good friends....more like a sister because that's how we fight....just constant because time and space has separated us. I don't really know where to start. Life even has us on different but similar paths. She is the mother of my God daughter and while that means we have a connection we have never been the greatest of friends, it's always been more like family (Knowing that I need to just suck it up and realize I have to deal with her just as you have to deal with me.) We get mad for a second and get over it...but lately I have been annoyed with her saying how I don't like to go out or have a good time. I do...really I do but this is Topeka. This shit is so whack. She has not lived here in 6 years so when she comes to town she's like we doing something...but man THERE IS NOTHING TO DO and once we get out and she sees that she instantly gets in a mood and shuts down. Had the nerve to lay her head down last night when we were out. "I'm tired and I just want to leave"...hell I didn't want to go out, but I did. So me and the other girl tried to make the best of the situation. We out....we may as well have a good time since we're here.
I am over going out at least around here. Don't get me wrong...love getting dressed up, but once I get there if it's going to be us just sitting...I could have sat at home, drank for free and not smell like smoke by the end of the evening. That's the other thing, I have slowed on my drinking....oh I'm so old....stick in the mud....a bum all these things (that's what I am referred to as.)While I was never a "huge partyier" I realized drinking was becoming a problem, so I tried to slow it up. Again I can drink at home.
Update: Things got a little better....changed me. Decided to start acting my age this year and living my life so when I am 40 I won't be trying to be up in someone bar. It's been good thus far.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Just Sharing
Not sure if the world is ready for these present thoughts, and I don't think I am ready to disclose......so, update on me.
It's something about me that causes heads to be turned and people to hate. I do what I can to stay out of the lime light because I do not like all eyes on me. SO I decided to apply for a position within my organization. I did not want to transfer just pick up additional hours. So I submitted the application. Since I work in Recruitment/HR I can see all applications. Why did one of my co-workers send my application to our boss. We never send transfer apps to employee directors...HATER. Not that it was a secret but damn. It was so out of protocol. I almost brought it up during the team meeting as to inquire is that our new policy.........but I didn't.
School is going magnifique!! I am not only passing Applied Calculus but I am carrying a B average.....boy to get a B in Cal would be incredible. After all these attempts an A should be recorded but hey math is not my subject! Since graduation is finally right around the corner it is time for me to get on the ball to job seeking out of Topeka :)
I have really shut down socially. I sit in the house most nights unless my parents are going out. I should have written a blog on the last incident...or maybe I did must review and see. Ever since my epiphany mid September I have not been the same. I have made some necessary steps for apologizing but the words were not spoken. :)Slowly I have tried to start talking again to friends that I was annoyed with anyway. I am so stubborn. I have told myself its ok if I don't speak to many people...will make it that much easier to leave and not miss anyone. I got this whole crazy notion about being alone. I think I will be alright.
I have told my mom I will start giving her grandchildren by 28 regardless of what was going on...like if I was married or not. We shall see. I don't want her to be too old and if I am having more than one I'm not trying to be in my forty's still having kids. Only time will tell. On a happier note, I have not done anything too rash in a while....even started writing on Face book...imagine that. And oh now that I am getting up in age it's time to raise my age requirement again. I am thinking 27 plus.
I should cut it out with these random thoughts but I write as things come to mind. My crazy trait I guess. Boy do I want to share. I really want to go someplace fun...alone I think. No one at the present time that I would like to HAVE to be stuck with. Oh and why do people think I am a freaking source of information, it used to make me feel good...now it annoys the hell out of me. Find out your own information or better yet if I were like them I would just say I didn't know......ok done for now, still need to get back to the reason I don't want to live with a man. Coming sometime soon.
Side note: When I read these post later...I sound crazy and bitter, at times so cynical I wonder how I function. Oh my thoughts. Later.
It's something about me that causes heads to be turned and people to hate. I do what I can to stay out of the lime light because I do not like all eyes on me. SO I decided to apply for a position within my organization. I did not want to transfer just pick up additional hours. So I submitted the application. Since I work in Recruitment/HR I can see all applications. Why did one of my co-workers send my application to our boss. We never send transfer apps to employee directors...HATER. Not that it was a secret but damn. It was so out of protocol. I almost brought it up during the team meeting as to inquire is that our new policy.........but I didn't.
School is going magnifique!! I am not only passing Applied Calculus but I am carrying a B average.....boy to get a B in Cal would be incredible. After all these attempts an A should be recorded but hey math is not my subject! Since graduation is finally right around the corner it is time for me to get on the ball to job seeking out of Topeka :)
I have really shut down socially. I sit in the house most nights unless my parents are going out. I should have written a blog on the last incident...or maybe I did must review and see. Ever since my epiphany mid September I have not been the same. I have made some necessary steps for apologizing but the words were not spoken. :)Slowly I have tried to start talking again to friends that I was annoyed with anyway. I am so stubborn. I have told myself its ok if I don't speak to many people...will make it that much easier to leave and not miss anyone. I got this whole crazy notion about being alone. I think I will be alright.
I have told my mom I will start giving her grandchildren by 28 regardless of what was going on...like if I was married or not. We shall see. I don't want her to be too old and if I am having more than one I'm not trying to be in my forty's still having kids. Only time will tell. On a happier note, I have not done anything too rash in a while....even started writing on Face book...imagine that. And oh now that I am getting up in age it's time to raise my age requirement again. I am thinking 27 plus.
I should cut it out with these random thoughts but I write as things come to mind. My crazy trait I guess. Boy do I want to share. I really want to go someplace fun...alone I think. No one at the present time that I would like to HAVE to be stuck with. Oh and why do people think I am a freaking source of information, it used to make me feel good...now it annoys the hell out of me. Find out your own information or better yet if I were like them I would just say I didn't know......ok done for now, still need to get back to the reason I don't want to live with a man. Coming sometime soon.
Side note: When I read these post later...I sound crazy and bitter, at times so cynical I wonder how I function. Oh my thoughts. Later.
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