Reading Oct 2017 post “The In-Between”
I am back in that rut currently.
Trying to find my happiness.
Still not with child.
Wishing for a different house.
Wanting to be a stay home wife. I mean, it’s not like I have
a child.
Yes, I am bitter. Haven’t been in a while or even able to admit where
I was emotionally. I told my mom last night, I think I self soothe. Which is
the wrong terminology. Telling you, I am losing brain cells. I drown my sorrows
in alcohol. Well, wine to be specific. It’s not like I have picked up heavy
liquor.
I tried therapy just as part of EAP….didn’t make future appt.
for me since there is a larger picture.
But, I am still seeking and searching for something…..something
to push and drive me and to make me feel better about life. I still do not have
my “new focus,” but I am going to diligent develop a relationship with my
almost teenager Goddaughter. She needs someone in her corner. I may not be
mentally stable in my own self passions, but I can young adult the shit out of
life. At the end of the day, I am still accomplished.
I am going to refocus my life to Christ also, I have gotten
away from my center and it shows.
So, basically, to wrap this all up. I am in a bad place
mentally and emotionally so I am seeking my outlet which I know to be my
center. I have scriptures up around my desk to read and bring me back. Reminds
me of something Nina did when we worked in the HELL center for Farmers. My scriptures are supposed
to be daily, but I don’t daily leave my house. They do help too. I talk to my
parents a lot as an outlet and support. I told Chad I am always trying to change
something and since there is not much, I can change quick. I change my hair. Typical woman.
I’ll try to get back sooner. Thanks again.
🔐💜😧😫
2 comments:
Wow. Small print. I will enlarge.
Baffles me how just days later his cheating was revealed. 😆 In the mist of my shit, he fucked us.
I can't make this up.
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