I decided I would send this since I spend the time putting my thoughts together.
I decided to write you again. You said I never write much to you, so here it goes. I have been thinking a lot tonight about our conversation and conversations we have had over the last two years of "knowing" each other. I wish I knew more about you. Well I would like to know more.
Your right I don't invest much into you....I want to change that. I will show you. I'm not one for putting everything out on the table without knowing how the other person feels to prevent being hurt over nothing.
I really don't know where to began....usually I can just write whatever comes to mind but now I can't piece my thoughts together. I have wanted you for myself longer than you'll ever know but I always messed things up. I know it was usually me, always so honest with you and you telling me like it is. I feel like I have been pushing you away just by my actions. I think you know what I am referring to. I never feel shy around you for some reason. There is no point in holding anything back but I seem to do that anyway. Your easy to talk to, I know that's because most of it is in text form. I express myself best in words as opposed to talking. Talking reveals the shy side and I clam up.
Since you already say I'm crazy what I say from here on out should not be a shock.
I wasn't kidding when I called you my knight in shining armor. You seem like a good guy and I don't blame you for not letting people in and protecting your heart. Best way to go sometimes. Told you I would wait on you. Wait for you to come around at least. Probably won't ever happen but its something to look forward to.
Wish you wanted to spend time with me so we can get to know each other. I am still holding on to my invite that you extended. lol
I wish you were mine to hold. Mine to love and tell all my dreams. Your a good listener because your not judgmental and you tell me exactly what I need to hear. The truth. You keep it real with me regardless of the circumstances or how it may make me feel. I value your honesty and compassion toward educating others with your intellect.
I love talking to you. You keep me on my toes and always brighten up my day. You possess good character traits and you always make me laugh. I know laughing is good for the soul so that makes me think you are as well.
Although I like learning new things about people, I am not one to pry. I feel if they want me to know something specific then they will tell me. It does not always work out well in my favor and sometimes it leaves me knowing nothing.
I can't read between the lines because usually I am way off base. I would rather you tell me exact what you think or feel. Funny because when you do I don't know how to take it. It's not a slam on you, its me needing to get it together and realize no two people are the same.
I had my first dreamhad about you last week. (Week of July 4th) Can't quite remember it but I had a visual of your face, it was interrupted by a 7:30am call from my mom. Pity. I tried my hardest to go back and remember. Haven't seen you in over a year and I miss you. Pictures only do so much for me. I know you hear it a lot from people but I love your smile. It seems endless and like it could light up a room.
I feel like I spend so much time trying to prove to you that I am not all that bad because I just want you to like me in return. Having conversations through text messages can only go so far. With all the things I reveal to you I wonder was it an mistake in saying. But all things are eventually revealed and nothing is ever a secret. My philosopy is don't do it if you will be ashamed later.
You made my heart skip a beat when you said you used to love me. Thought it was cute but had no idea you had any serious feelings for me.
It's like I have been searching and searching for Mr. Right and he has been around all along but I couldn't see it because I was too busy dealing with the no good guys.
That's all for now.
I know I should have sent this sooner but the way the weeks were going and you and I off and on with communicating I just put off sending it. It was written early July, not sure of exact dates.
Brandi in 2008.
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