April 12th, 2013
Mommies are ALWAYS right! States its hard to have anything in common and issue will just arise when you don't have the same objective. Relationship break is again in the stars for me. I can't do it. I rather be alone than take on you, her, me, and the life decisions each of us have made. I rather be quiet just so I don't hear the frustration in your voice. I rather hold my tongue than open my mouth and say something that will have to be defended . I rather live this life than deal with all the drama your bringing. I don't want need to desire it. It's not for me. And if I were honest and not concerned about how you would feel and the words you would say in response.
Like I've said I'm done. I've been faithful and committed to you. I've let you use me as an outlet....compromising, patient, supportive. This is not what a relationship is suppose to look like. Yet, I let you drag me into it. I gave you a chance....you said you were ready to step to me. You weren't. You still have maturing to do. While your ID says one age, your mind says another. Your living an adult life and doing adult things but yet you remain a child. You wanted a chance. I gave you one and now you're shitting on me. You brought this into my world. I didn't know. You could have saved a lot of "arguments" had you just worked on you. I'm trying to be Christ like. But not there, not yet. I accept you, but don't bring mess with you especially when I can't have mine.
And this is why I write.
My words are malice and say nothing pleasant. My thoughts are consuming. And while you like to point fingers and blame. I take responsibility. Full on that I should not have let you come into my heart and etch a mark. Brand me. Leave me tattered and again broken. I'm not defensive, I don't think all words are against me. Do I over think, analyze and over analyze even. Sure, of course. Part of my make-up.
Like Momma said.....there would be days like this!
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